therapy and torture

Our family went away for a week and a half to Hong Kong, and had such a wonderful time!  When we got away and stopped having to think about life in our city all the time, though, I found myself thinking a lot more about our kids in Africa.  We are ready to see their faces.  When we're busy at home, it's easier to not think about it, but on vacation, it's all I can think about!

I read some blogs one night, just wanting to see kids from Ethiopia.  It was both torture and therapy.

The latest we have heard from our agency is that we are still at the top of the list for a referral (it's been 10 months since we got our referral last year) and that no adoptions have happened since then.  BUT that they are doing paperwork to work with 2 or 3 more orphanages in Ethiopia.  So, we're hopeful again!

Our friend Little Rainbow stayed with us the two weeks before we went to Hong Kong, and that kept my mind busy.  It was a sweet time.  She really is a precious friend to our boys and a sweet little girl that we've come to love!  She is studying down south again, but it was a sweet two weeks before she/we left.

Here's a picture of her with the boys after they made swords, etc from cardboard:

refocusing

Sometimes I spend too much time thinking about the plans the Father has for me.  And not enough time focusing on the Father.  I wonder if we'll ever get to LIVE in the mountains.  Or if we'll be able to open a business.  Or if we'll ever be able to adopt.

And there are times I grieve those dreams/plans that haven't come true.  And I don't praise Him for leading us down the path He has for us.  For being so intimately involved in our lives.  I forget HIM too easily sometimes.

But it's ALL about Him.  June 30 in Jesus Calling, Sarah Young writes, "As you follow Me, I lead you along paths of newness:  ways you have never imagined.  Don't worry what is on the road up ahead.  I want you to find your security in knowing Me, the One who died to set you free."

I WANT to just spend my life on loving Him, like Charlie Hall says in his song, 'On the Road to Beautiful.'  I wish it was easy.  But it isn't always.  However, it IS always good.

 

connecting the dots

When I graduated from high school, I wanted to be a doctor when I grew up.  Or I wanted to live overseas.  So, when I was thinking about majors for college it looked like I either had to major in Biology or Spanish.  (Both wrong, actually, but I didn't know that then.)

I chose Biology.  Because I figured I could always change my major to something easier if I decided it wasn't in the Father's plan for me to be a doctor, but it would be really hard to change from something easier into Biology if I started out wrong. (Being a dr. wasn't the Father's will for me, but that's a different story.)

I didn't ever change my major.  I really wanted to help people, and I couldn't see any better way than being a doctor.  But I didn't love studying about plants and animals.  And I really never understood Physics.  I really wish I'd taken Physics in high school--still.  I DID love studying about the ins and outs of the human body and all the small critters that can make a body sick.  But the rest of it, I didn't love.

And I sometimes questioned the reason I studied Biology, which is so not useful in the real world if a person doesn't want to spend their life in a lab or in med school...Until last night. When my 6-year-old son finished his bedtime story for the night, which was actually a chapter from his science book.  I could actually explain how the muscles in the esophagus work, and I watched Luke get excited about it.  He truly loves everything science.  It defies reason to me, but it is true.

So simple, but it was like the dots connected and the Lord whispered to my heart that sometimes His purposes aren't known right away, but that there's always a reason for the steps He has us take.  I truly think He knew I would be homeschooling a science-loving 6-year-old someday.  And I felt so thankful that I studied Organic Chemistry and Molecular and Cellular Biology for the first time in a long time, if not ever.

One tooth lighter

Luke lost his first tooth.  It makes him seem so old!  I think with every milestone--first steps, first day of school, first lost tooth--it gets more and more bittersweet.  Bittersweet because he's just that much closer to being independent and grown.  Because it's good for him to be independent and grown, and yet there are some days that I just want to soak it all up for longer!

So here's my old 6 1/2 year old.  He's kind and generous and so encouraging with every one of his words.  If I was 6, I would want to be his friend!

Heart Surgery

We have met and spent time with a couple different families whose children have the same ailment as our friend's sister.  A hole in their heart.  The first one we met over 5 years ago went in for surgery, and he didn't make it.

And we met another family 3 weeks ago with a daughter who also didn't make it.

But our friend, Grace, made it through the surgery and is out of the ICU and being a demanding 2 year old with her mom today.  Like 2 year olds should be.  Pouty and laughing and having fun with their moms and sisters all in a day's time.

We still have her older sister staying with us, but we feel so thankful that this outcome for sweet little Grace has been good.  Her mom keeps telling us, "thank the Lord."

We feel just the same.

our other children

We get lots of questions about how adoption is going.  It's not, it seems.  We have pursued Ethiopia, and we received our first referral, we lost him in an African hospital, and then the country's adoptions have slowed by almost 90%, according to some people.

We have heard nothing since the country almost stopped processing papers.

And it's okay some days.  It stinks some days.

We heard when we first started adopting to be open to whatever the Lord has for us.  That we may start down one road and be turned by Him to another road.  We don't really know His ultimate plan for what our family will look like, but we are open to be turned to another road.  And we are open to stay straight on the path we've started down.  We trust Him.

Waiting is never fun or easy.  But if it's from Dad, it's always GOOD.

I learned from a good friend that the most important thing is to not always be looking down the road, but to just enjoy our family now, as it is right now.  I feel thankful for the two boys the Father has already given us, and I don't want to miss a moment of their life.  And, we hope, in time, Dad will add to our family.

Little Rainbow

For the past few months, the Father has been challenging me to be available.  Interruptible.  Basically, to be more like Jesus and the apostles.

Then, 3 weeks ago, when we were going for a prayerwalk and Johnny said he thought we should go pray around a big, famous hospital in town, I thought, great, we can do that--what a great idea. There are so many of the people we love that come to town to go to that hospital!  So we walked and prayed and had such a good time.

Little did we know....

Two days later we got a phone call that there was a little family who had come to town for their little baby to have heart surgery and the mom and little daughter had to stay in the hospital.  Did we know anyone who could care for the older daughter while mom and sister (Grace) were in the hospital?  And we knew the Father was saying to be available.  So we prayed and felt like, yes, we could take care of a little six-year-old.  We had an extra room.  We have toys.  We have time.

So, we've had another 6 year old living with us.  For 3 weeks, almost.  And it's been the most wonderful and overwhelming and challenging thing we've experienced in a long time.  Boy, do we feel tired at the end of the day, and we've had challenging moments that have driven us to our knees.  It's amazing how much selfishness was in my heart.  And how much more is still in there.  Man.

I think so many of my cries to know Him better have been answered just in the past few months of being stretched and challenged.  Most recently, by having another child in my house.  One that is awake from 7 AM to 11 PM and wants help from me constantly.  I have been desperate for Him in a way that is fresh and new.  I feel thankful that He is still involved in my life.  He still offers relationship to me.  He still wants me to grow and be purified.  He still blesses with unexpected gifts.

So, it's been an exciting road this month.  And a good one.  I feel so thankful for our little Rainbow staying here.