Our little Christmas tree is definitely not perfect, and when we first pulled it out of the box this year, for whatever reason, looking at the gaps between the branches evoked some thoughts: should I buy a new Christmas tree? Should it be from IKEA or the wholesale market (where we bought this one)? Could I fill in the gaps with our tinsel? How can we make this silly looking tree look better?...
And the more I decorated, the more I felt this swelling in my heart about the tree. I mean the tree is really insignificant in the bigger scheme of things. And Luke was putting up lots of ornaments and having me put string through lots of the ones that don't have hooks. And he started making snowflakes that he was hanging on the tree. And I started thinking, 'I LIKE that the tree isn't perfect.' I don't want another one. And as the ornaments got put on the tree (mostly on the bottom--just like I did when I was a kid) and the tree looked even more and more imperfect, the more I liked it.
I think I was making some unconscious parallels between the tree and my own life. I think there's a pressure (maybe more over here?) to believe in Jesus and then be perfect. Or at least seem to be. And I struggle with that. Johnny struggles with it. And yet we have been shown over the past 5 years how IMperfect we are. Still. We know the Lord more and have moved down the road, but we still NEED him more than ever. And as we've been shown how imperfect we are (it's been humiliating at times, folks), the Lord has also been quick to touch us and love us. And maybe it's my rebellious nature to a degree, but I kind of want to revel in imperfection this Christmas season. Our imperfect tree and our imperfect house (we have highlighter yellow kitchen cabinets, for example) and sometimes the imperfect way that we interact with each other and with our friends. But for whatever reason, my heart is so warmed by the idea that it's a beautiful thing--this imperfection and the way the Lord just jumped right down in the middle of it all 2010 years ago--approximately...
We have been busy--I try to dance with our local friends once a week. We try to have friends for dinner to connect with others who hang with us on Sunday. We have game nights for our friends to meet our team, and we've been having a blast planning parties for birthdays and showers and such. And it's amazing--we have some of the beginnings of deeper relationships than we have had the entire time we have been here. All in the middle of all that activity (and me staying home most nights to work on projects and cooking and such)...
It's this wonderful thing. Luke 1-2 tell of all these awesome ways that people who had been waiting for years and years got to see and hear about the fulfillment of the promise. And they were all filled with wonder. It's really amazing. We feel like we've been waiting for the fulfillment of the promise that's given in Revelation about our closest friends believing. Because they are a people that don't believe. And it is so inspiring and hope-giving to read again the story where the God of the Universe whispered and shouted all at once: I haven't forgotten my promises. And I am with you. And I will be with you.
love it. this is a beautiful post!
ReplyDeleteThank you Shannon for this post. I understand where you're coming from and often feel a lot of the same things. I admire you and Johnny a lot and wish we got to hang out more! :) you're desire to seek Him and make Him known is really an encouragement!
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